How do you heal a broken heart? Most of us have experienced this pain, but there are some important no-no’s (and mindful suggestions) to keep in mind.
As men, we typically aren’t that skilled in dealing with emotions. Hell, we often aren’t that skilled at noticing our emotions. But no event has the more power to force us to notice and feel our emotions as a breakup.
Whether you’ve been together for three years or three months, hearing those words “I think we should break up” can destroy a guy’s world. I’m not here to teach you how to get the girl back, or what went wrong in the relationship. I’m here to help you find a healthy and effective way to deal with a breakup.
First let’s discuss what not to do.
Binge on booze, porn, food or video games
What better way to numb yourself than with an endless supply of hot virtual women ready to do whatever you want, whenever you want? Or getting wasted out of your mind and partying like you’re back in college? Or playing Call of Duty every night until 4am?
All of above (ideally not at the same time) may distract and numb you for a while, but they prolong the inevitable and necessary process of healing through your emotions.
Seek Out One-Night Stands
What do many guys do when their buddy gets dumped? Their ‘helpful’ advice sounds something like: We need to take you out and get you laid.
While bringing home a cute brunette for a night of sloppy, drunk sex might please your body, it won’t please your heart or your soul. You’ll just end up comparing her to your ex anyway. Like pornography, binge-drinking and video games, one-night stands are little more than a distraction from the pain you’re experiencing.
What can you do instead?
All the sad, self-defeating thoughts you’re having? Get them out of your head and onto paper. So much of our emotional suffering is caused by the thoughts we allow to ruminate in our mind. During a breakup they are like pouring gasoline on the fire. Your thoughts become an endless loop of doubts, regrets and fears.
Byron Katie’s The Work questions are a powerful tool. It is a laser-like process where you investigate, one-by-one, the thoughts that are causing you pain, stress and suffering. All you need is a pen and paper. The video below shows Katie leading a man through the process and was powerful tool for me.