We are told that the couples who love each other are those who are inseparable and do everything together, but that’s not true. Yes, at the beginning you can’t wait to be with your partner, but after a while and when you get to know each other better, it’s not such a good idea to act like twins.
According to psychologist Terri Orbuch, privacy and space in a relationship are much more important than having a good sex life. How is this possible? Orbuch is involved in a marriage study in the U.S. called The Early Years of Marriage Project, which researches 373 married couples since 1990.
Of those, 46 percent are divorced and 29 percent of those said the reason was that there was no privacy or space in the relationship. Of those marriages who said they were unhappy, 11.5 percent assured that it was lack of space, while only 6 percent said it was due to their sex life.
Why do we need space?
Space is very important in a relationship because of the following reason as told by the psychologist:
“When partners have their own set of interests, friends, and time for self, that makes them happier and less bored. Time alone also gives partners time to process their thoughts, pursue hobbies and relax without responsibilities to others.”
You might believe that spending every second with your lover is a gesture of love, but in reality, it can ruin the relationship. Couples who don’t give each other space to work on their independent and personal projects can begin to feel suffocated. Psychologist John Aiken agreed:
“Couples need space in a relationship so they don’t suffocate each other. Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps a freshness in their relationship. It encourages each person to maintain their own sense of identity while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess.”
This also depends on everyone’s personality. They are some people who need more space than usual to be alone. But we all need privacy to not get tired of spending time with the same person.
If you want space in your relationship, these are the tips Orbuch recommends:
- Use your space to learn something new: Every new experience will add something new to your self-growth and relationship.
- Enjoy your time: Don’t feel bad for wanting space, you need it.
- Don’t say “I need space”: Your couple could interpret it as if you don’t want to spend time with him or her. Instead, let them know that having space will make you happier. Change the “I need privacy” for an “I want to take a cooking class,” for example. This way, they know that your reasons have to do with you and not him or her.
- Don’t keep secrets: Let your couple know what you did while you had your space. This is another way to build trust, something that’s key in every relationship.
The time that you dedicate to yourself is essential to refresh your mind, follow your dreams, or simply relax. We all need personal space and time to dedicate to our loved ones, now we know how to do it!